Sunday, 6 November 2016

Letter To My Big Bro

I will never be that much lucky to cross the bridge and hold your hand. Perhaps I'm not lucky enough to give you my all, even if I want to, your leaving this world was somewhat different, I don’t know how this happened and I'm damn angry! Yet I was not born. Your mama cried a lot that day she was the only person who was not allowed to see your face as you were pretty enough to faint her and everyone! But your cousin whom you would have loved, even that day she was homesick. She stayed back even at your funeral. You created a catastrophic day for all. After some years your bro was born. I call him my big bro! I know that’s wrong. “But he resembles you” said my mama. But your Bhai stayed here that was something you ignored. the house was full of happiness and extra merriment was dosed but somewhat tragedy happened and I don’t want you to feel sorry or even painful because “your pain is my pain, your smile is my smile” after my third Bhai was born .your only sister whom you would have loved much more then I expect, but your sister never knew she had a Bhai until she was 15 years old. At the marriage hall, I remember when somebody told me “you were not to be born if your bro was not to be dead” this pinched my mind and I kept it safe until another sunrise when your mama ignored me. Days passed and I continued to pinch your mama and this made her to tell the truth. You were born and because of doctors and may people you died. I wish I would have never born maybe you were supposed to live. I even don’t know the day you were born. Deep inside my heart I know you are not dead. I know you are there, a hitch, a piece is still there watching me. A piece of me will always love you but why did you do this to me? Why me? I was you Choti, why did you left me? Was I not supposed to see your love, your care? Even if you were meant to go, you should have asked me. You don’t know what goes around even if you do; you can do nothing about it. Even if you do you can never help me because you are my big bad bhai and I hate you. I hate to say that but why shouldn't I hate you? Because of you I am here cursing my life. All blames on you! I would have loved to call you my Ollie but I never got the chance. I know you are watching everything that’s why I won’t have to explain things. But hey Ollie! If possible please come back. You Choti is dying for you and perhaps needs you. Your Choti must be upset with you. Please! I wrote these lines for you – I would have looked into your eyes I would have seen the care and love I would have seen the love for me I stop myself from crying and I can’t stop thinking, I will never see you again, I will never see your love but hey! No matter if your eyes are close forever and surely resting in peace maybe gone for everyone but not for me because every time I close my eyes, there you will be shining with your gazing eyes.